Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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