I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
