my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
