every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
