Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
