just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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