Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize