If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
