But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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