next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize