Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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