I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
