apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
