miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
