that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I smell like Dick and happiness
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