you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I FOUND THE LEGS
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
