i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
