everyone is single if you try hard enough
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
