fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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