I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
