So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
