she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
