I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
