Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it hurts more in the daytime
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
