I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His nipple licking is glorious
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