aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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