you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
