Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
