I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
