if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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