Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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