Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
