Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
