we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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