Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
