if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
