I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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