so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
