I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize