The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
