did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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