Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
