Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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