bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize