First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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