Can i not drive my cunt home
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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