Its about making memories worth repressing
I looked at my own cervix.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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