Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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