I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
