There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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