my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize