East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the condom got lost in my hair
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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