Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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