After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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