I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize