Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
