Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
worst night to have a conscience
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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