you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
