it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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