Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
There was a lot of him and a little penis
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
