I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i will never coherently bang her
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
