took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
