the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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