Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
