ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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