you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
