how can u be prego again
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
