You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize